When I decided to quit my corporate job and help people on their health journey, I promised to myself I would stay authentic with everything I shared to my community. It is easy to post and send newsletters when feeling on top of the world, when your heart is so full that is overflowing. But what happens when things are tricky and you are going through tough times, how can you inspire people and be the beacon of light for them?
I will be honest, in the last 10 weeks or so I have been on a rollercoaster. As an expat, leaving my home country and family behind to follow the love of my life, there are a few phone calls that I (or any other person living “abroad”) have been dreading to receive. The fact that I cannot physically be there for my mum or grandmas or friends in Hungary when they need me puts an enormous mental weight on my (and their) shoulders. Of course I call and share photos and visit when I can, but let’s be honest, it is not the same as being there to hug them when they (or I) need it or go for a coffee or celebrate birthdays together. So, after receiving a call from my brother late on a Friday night about grandma going in for an emergency operation that she may not wake up from, I decided to book a flight to go home on the next flight I could. Grandma has played such an important part in my childhood, my life that this was a very difficult journey to take. My brain switched on to auto pilot, it was almost an out of body experience. I held it together for everyone pushing all emotions as far down as possible, with the promise I would “deal with them” when back in England. Luckily grandma has survived the op and is ok but the fear of losing her and one of my roots terrified me, so did seeing the strongest woman on Earth, my mum, crumble. Then the day after coming back to Sheffield, I had some more bad news from a dear friend who were losing the fight with cancer.
The choices I had – how I saw at the time – to numb & carry on or to put my big girls pants on and feel the feelings, even if these are painful and work through it. I took it on as a bit of a project to see how good of a coach I am, but this time I became my own client. Interesting experience, I must say. This is why you started seeing a bit more videos on my social media feeds sharing self-care tips. There are many tools I want to share with you as I go along, hoping that some will resonate and help you or someone around you. These are all simple things, as I believe in taking small steps which are more likely to stick and become tools in your pockets you can rely on when life gets hard.
What are the things I have tried so far:
- Self-compassion: giving myself a few hours off and allowing myself to feel the feelings, name the feelings and cry when I needed to. This is a big one and easier said than done. You don’t want to overload everyone around you with your sadness, but it is important that the people around you are aware how you are feeling. If you need space, a shoulder to cry on, a walk on your own, whatever it is, say it and tell them this is what you need right now. Even if it means extra work for your other half, this is the time to really prioritise yourself. Listen to those internal voices trying to guide you through this.
- Hypnotherapy: the best type of therapy I have ever had. I cannot recommend it enough to people. This works on your subconscious mind and it really helps you understand how your brain works and feed it some more positive messages. I had one session with Sam and that night I cried for hours, which I couldn’t before as I pushed those heavy feelings down too deep.
- Exercise: I went back to my routine of swimming, doing yoga and zumba classes. This instantly made me feel better, although getting there was a different question, I did have to push myself to go.
- Journaling: writing things down without a filter is pretty hard – not letting the inner critic correct the words and analyse straight away requires a bit of a brain muscle building. I love writing, yet I hardly make time for it. Do you get this too? Seeing the words on paper has such a powerful healing effect, note to self to do it more.
- Breathing exercises and meditation: both are wonderful tools to master, but again require perseverance and keeping at it even when things are going well. This can help you regulate yourself easier when going through difficult times. Starting a meditation practice when you are grieving is not as easy as carrying on with an established one. You may need to adjust the how and duration but it is much easier than trying to figure out how to do it.
- Nature: walking barefoot in the garden, doing a bit of gardening or even just going for a walk listening to the birds sign can help you ground and calm the nervous system.
- Food: is an interesting one. Reaching for the comfort foods and drinks to give you the relief in the moment, knowing that long term these habits can cause more harm, can create a big internal conflict. I decided that red wine and chocolate were a great companion to start with, but also made the conscious choice that I wouldn’t be indulging in these for too long. Two weekends waking up with sore had, anxiety and sadness multiplied could have started a vicious circle. I noticed how these habits can stick in no time giving a quick fix but leaving me feel mentally and physically unfit to deal with the emotions. A great experiment but I could do better – I thought. I started doing what I preach and listened to my body which kept telling me to eat colourful fresh food. As soon as I started giving it the nutritious dishes, it started feeling better. And yes, a nice glass of red or some churros I will be making tonight with the girls can still have space in my diet. I will just not let it be the plaster to numb my sadness and grief.
There are many more tools you can use to heal yourself. I hope you can stay curious and kind to yourself – even in the midst of trauma and difficult times.
With love,
Viki
